What's my problem? By Catherine on 3/02/2008 07:57:00 PM
Karma is a bitch. Between being sick for most of late autumn/early winter, having surgery, spending a mint to fix my car(six trips to the shop since August) only to have to buy a new one anyway, and having only two friends show up to my birthday dinner, I'm feeling like a karmatic loser. I know I'm not perfect. I'm far from it. In fact, on a day to day basis, I tell myself exactly how imperfect I am about twice as often as your average Joe. But I really thought I'd get a call, no matter how shitty my karma is. Not a text message, an IM, a voicemail-- contact. Real contact. Today I turned 24, the lamest birthday I've had in a long while, and the person who made me feel so bad for the last few days didn't phone and say hey, we're still friends. Hey, I know things have been tough for you. I understand you've had a hard winter, maybe I could have been more available, too. Maybe I'm being too harsh on you, because I haven't tried to find out where you're lost at, locked inside your head all the time. By the way, how is that novel coming? Is it done consuming your soul yet?Maybe I don't deserve it. Maybe she's right, and I care more about myself than I do about my friends. It's my fault I'm lonely and isolated, because I spend so much time living inside my head letting my words coagulate into stories that I don't remember to have any real stories of my own. When I was a kid, before high school came along, I used to think that my only real friends were books, because a book always says the same thing, doesn't waffle or have transient, lukewarm opinions. You don't have to worry about someone else's words betraying you, the way my own often do. Books are constant, and if you're lucky, the story is timeless and you learn something new every time. The only thing my book is teaching me is that I love it more than I love my life, and that's a problem, because I can't turn into Sarah and let my magic guide me. I thought my magic was my words, but now my words are killing me slowly-- first cutting me off, then sneaking up behind me to finally stab me in the back.
I'm thinking of giving up.
Labels: friends, signs, words, writing
I almost LOST it when I saw this By Catherine on 2/25/2008 06:55:00 PM
There's a new website that says ridiculous things about the presidential candidates, and when you click, it refreshes and says something else ridiculous. This one, was by far my favorite:
For those of you that know me, you know how delighted that made me. :)
I don't own Birks, and I certainly don't have a trust fund... By Catherine on 2/24/2008 01:29:00 PM
This is really going to happen!Check out a good, succinct reason why.
Labels: firsts, hubris, politics
Updates, and stuff By Catherine on 2/20/2008 11:04:00 AM
This week is February vacation. I just bought a car. Life moves along, as always. I'm failing at my resolution to blog twice a week, but I'm succeeding in making progress with the novel. This is good. I've written 14,000 words since making that resolution. I rule. Obviously.And I think this article is fascinating-- check it out. I mean, I think it's fascinating because I'm a teacher, but I think most people will think it's equally interesting.
I've also been toying with ideas for English classes to teach. They're electives mostly, but I want to outline them for job interviews. These ideas include:
1. The Epistolary Novel (reading including Les Liaisons Dangereuses {Pierre Chodleros de Laclos}, The Perks of Being a Wallflower {Stephen Chbosky}, The Color Purple {Alice Walker}, Poor Folk {Fyodor Dostoevsky}).
2. World Economics in Literature (reading including Animal Farm {George Orwell}, 1984 {George Orwell}, Cry, the Beloved Country {Alan Paton}, The Threepenny Opera {Bertolt Brecht}, The Jungle {Upton Sinclair}). --> emails calling me a communist will be soundly ignored.
3. Literature for Romantics (reading: Water for Elephants {Sara Gruen}, Wuthering Heights {Charlotte Bronte}, Jane Eyre {Charlotte Bronte}, Sense and Sensibility {Jane Austen}, The Awakening {Kate Chopin-- just for a not-so-happy view}).
You know you're a total nerd when you sit around dreaming up English classes you'd like to teach. It's okay, I'm over it.
Labels: education, vacation, writing
Interweb drama By Catherine on 2/10/2008 04:32:00 PM
It seems like there's drama everywhere on the internets these days, from Anonymous and the systematic pwning of the Church of Scientology, to the Chans and the Goons and the nerds over at YTMND debating who actually started it, to my own little bubble at Pathetic.Org, where one uptight admin has it out for everyone more talented than she. The Anonymous vs. CoS thing is pretty silly, albeit hilarious. I'll admit, I'm on the side of 4chan, and I've never said anything that nerdy in my life. It's just... the whackos are everywhere, and they don't even know they're whackos. Normally I don't get all up in arms over what people believe, but Scientology is a cult. Period. If you don't believe me, research it yourself.But Pathetic is a different story. I'm really bummed out, because normally everyone just gets along and no one really says anything terribly mean. A good chunk of the poetry posted is emotive bs, but the trick is not to leave feedback on those ones. Mine aren't exactly the stuff of Great American Literature, either. My mom always used to say, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. But now there's an admin with a grudge, and she's making it her business to be as rude as possible when doing her normal admin stuff. She did it to me and was rude about it, but it pales in comparison to leaving a comment like this after removing a member's picture:
Oh. And one photo was removed because, well, you're ugly. ;-) You know who you are. (If you have to ask, then no, you're not the one.)
Are you freaking kidding me? Are we in grade school? Is this not a more or less professional writer's community? Keep in mind, I found this out after browsing through on my own, though the person she did it to happens to be my editor. There are other sterling examples that I won't take the time for here, because it's such pettiness. This person is supposed to be keep the rules in order, and yet this is the behavior members deal with. I'm honestly considering removing my membership, because now that I know it wasn't just me, I'm pretty disappointed.
I like my lurking existence on these internets. I keep to myself and don't really talk to anyone, aside from posting here to people who know me anyway. When the interwebs get personal, I take myself away from them. Do you ever see me on AIM anymore? I thought a writing community was pretty easy. So much for poetry, I should just go join Anonymous.
On my choice of karaoke: the Big Guns weigh in By Catherine on 2/06/2008 11:01:00 PM
Me: We're going out to karaoke on Valentine's day.GBF: Are you singing? What are you singing?
Me: Well I have a total girl-crush on Amy Winehouse...
GBF: ...
Me: What?
GBF: ...
Me: What's wrong with Amy Winehouse? You're wearing a Journey tshirt.
GBF: Well, I dunno WHITNEY but last I checked crack is whack!
**whole bar stares**
I love him. :)
Four things By Catherine on 1/30/2008 07:48:00 AM
I don't want to make a habit of posting this stuff, but I was amused by this little survey and figured posting it here was less invasive than flooding everyone's inbox with such inane little factoids on myself. If you feel like responding, permalink and I'll check Technorati for linkbacks.Four (4) things about me that you may or may not have known.
1. I really like sushi
2. I really hate onions (unless they're cooked until they don't resemble onions anymore)
3. I am taking the English MTEL exam next month
4. I have a slight case of OCD... and by slight I mean not slight. Large.
Four (4) jobs I have had in my life
1. Camp counselor
2. Waitress/hostess
3. Cashier at BCF (was Decelle then)
4. Teacher
Four (4) movies I've watched more than once:
1. The Big Lebowski
2. Mary Poppins
3. Independence Day
4. Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Four (4) places where I have lived
1. Northborough, MA
2. Bridgewater, MA
3. Amherst, MA
4. Shrewsbury, MA
Four (4) TV Shows that I watch:
1. Law and Order
2. Forensic Files
3. Jeopardy!
4. Project Runway
Four (4) places I have been
1 . Grenoble, France
2. Ann Arbor, MI
3. Washington, DC
4. Richmond, VA
Four (4) people who email me regularly
1. my mom
2. Amanda
3. Jen
4. Gram
Four (4) of my favorite foods:
1. New England clam chowder
2. Sushi
3. Spaghetti and meatballs
4. Tiramisu
Four (4) places I would rather be right now:
1. Cape Cod
2. Paris
3. Home (am at work-- assembly = no kids)
4. Myrtle Beach
Four (4) people I think will respond:
1.
2.
3.
4. No one.
Four (4) things I am looking forward to this year.
1. Going to France
2. Speaking French (finally)
3. Sunshine and spring
4. Not working a full-time job this summer so I can focus on writing more.
Labels: favorites, s, summer, vacation, writing